Mental Health

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"Recovery is not linear."

Mental Illness Feelings Mental Health Mr. Rogers

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Alright, so I'm the kind of person who has a lot of problems, or not problems, but trouble accessing my feelings. I have a lot of like, a history of pretty extensive mental illness, but I pretty much figured it out. But every so often you know, I got a lot of pent up stuff. I have a lot of trouble accessing my feelings, and I'm in therapy right now. And one of my main feedback was like, my therapist was like, you need to feel your feelings. You need to be sad, but you can't just you know, choose what feelings to feel. Once you start, you got to feel them all, so I have a lot of trouble with that. And it’s been a long time since I experienced a day I couldn't handle, mental health wise. But one happened the other day.

Recovery is not linear. It's pretty all over the place, honestly. And this is something I've done before. But it was something that I remembered, and it really helped me. I turned on Mr. Rogers videos. And I watched, there's one that he has, it's called, what do you do with the mad that you feel? He was trying to get funding for PBS. This is back in the seventies and eighties, and he did it in front of the Congress, and he said the words to this song, and he got this whole room of grown men to just bawl their eyes out! And every time I see it, I cry. But the song is super helpful because it's describing to kids in the most simple terms. How do you manage your feelings? And I think as adults we need the same thing. Adults don't know what to do with their feelings. So it's nice to hear this song, and one of things he says in the song is, it's yours, you can control it, you can take ownership of it and you can feel what you want to feel. But then you can stop. And so listening to that song was really helpful.

And then I listen to this other one. It's this video clip, and this one’s more of just like accessing my feelings than controlling them. But there’s one that he has, it’s with this kid. And this kid is in a wheelchair. But like not one that you push, like he controls it by himself. And it's called, I like you the way you are. Ah, I’m tearing up. It’s just so beautiful because it's, it’s just beautiful and it’s just showing that like, you are loved and you're not alone. And then, so I do things like that when I have bad mental health days. I watch a lot of Mr. Rogers videos, which just explain how to deal with my feelings in the simplest terms or just let me feel my feelings.

And then I also watch this video series called Special Books for Special Kids. It's just a bunch of kids, sometimes it's adults, but sometimes it's kids with anything from like mental disorders, to rare genetic disorders, and burn victims and all that. And this guy just goes to their house. And he asks them very simple questions. And it's really beautiful because these kids have had the hardest lives imaginable. But you know they're still really good people, and he asks some questions that most people don't usually like, what would it take to be your friend? And do you ever get sad? And it's really helpful to hear how they handle getting sad because I feel like they can handle anything. But sometimes I just watch these and I let myself cry and I watch the Mr. Rogers videos, and I let myself cry, and I think, I think those are two really good ways that I deal with my mental health and feeling my feelings.