Coping with Grief

Coey | 3:28

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"One technique that was good and that helped her was the breathing exercises."

Loss Parents Grief Overthinking Mindfullness Music Creativity

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I'm 53, I am a mother of two children - one 19 now, but 17 years old, when his Dad passed away of stage four colon cancer, that [...] to the liver. And Chloe, who is now 17 years old, was 15 years old at the time. And Jason was diagnosed in August 2016 and passed away in September 2017. After Jason passed away, we had to deal with grief, anger, I mean, loads of different levels of feelings. Chloe could cope with much more than Rand, could. Rand couldn't see his Dad after awhile, he said gooodbye and that was the end of it. He couldn't cope with seeing him very sick and pale and weak and just, you know, losing it. Chloe, on the other hand, wanted to stay with him until the end. Rand, to cope with his grief has never really opened out. He says he's fine, I am not sure. I think he's fine, but maybe it will come back later on in life. But I want to talk about Chloe because Chloe's more, is an interesting case that she dealt with it in her own way. Firstly, she wrote songs about cancer that were actually brilliant. So she used music, poetry, creativity, I would say to deal with her grief. But that was not enough, to be able to go back to normality and to go back to school and being able to cope with life in general. Right? Being able to laugh, to smile, to concentrate at school.

So, we helped her with mindfulness. Basically being in the present, and then trying to avoid getting all these thoughts and things into your head, that actually prevent you from sleeping, prevent you from concentrating at school, preventing from all of that. And we're not experts, but the one technique that is pretty good and that helped her is breathing exercise. And so, mindfulness has been very good, and I want her to go, to do more this summer to learn more about mindfulness, because she wants to now become a Surgical Oncologist. And that's going to require a lot of concentration, lot of hard studies and a lot of work. And if she cannot concentrate and is troubled with what she experienced, as she lost her Dad and all the nightmares that she had as consequential to that, then, yes... So, that's going to be very important for her to be able to, you know, reduce her stress levels when she's in a stressful situation with her hard and a very heavy workload.

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